Seams

The sound of tearing below
My feet, the fabric of a veil,
It would not slow, no matter how
Hard I prayed.

Who knew this little notch, the little
Snag upon the rocks
Of my clothing, warmth, comfort, riddled
With love could dissolve so quick?

The fraying turned to river deltas,
The fabric to red clay, and
The void between the binding garbs
A canyon now.

My moon had split, I clenched my God
In one hand, my idols in my other.
I couldn't bear to hear the shifting winds
But it whipped against me.

She says it hurts, she says it
Was pain for her, she cried three tears.
But turmoil, greater than she could
Forsee, was building.

And moons evolved and changed
Their nature, a new start assured.
But I, can hardly fight, this torment
To hate her.

Spite is knocking "open! Free me
unto the earth. Havoc is coming."
It may bring me gray hair, but still
I bleed to forgive.

It was easy for her, I don't discern
How she came to drop the knot?
So easily, it slipped off her heart and
Strengthened her.

I am not, however, as she wished. I'm
Not yet done shaking and trembling.
Witness, man, I long for her, but
She has lost heart for me.

Life before was a mountain, so still
And strong, sturdy and sure. So high,
Bountiful, fruit bearing, brought joy
To all around us.

A promise to return unkept, a hope
Dead. That shriveled contract stained
In my breath remains, I cannot
Forget the emptiness of it.

A fear, now, to continue seeing her face
In crowds, on strangers. To hear her
Laughter in the voice of children,
In the smile of a future wife.

But now in turmoil I lay, I grasp
My idol and my God in fear.
My idol, I look down to, and the fog is
Thick. I blow it away.

My Baal is beautiful, I held it all
Throughout the journey. I did not sense
The burden and weight on my soul
Is her. Help me, God.

I stood on the rock, the lamb
In confidence, but I did not know
She was with me there, under me,
As my foothold.

To loathe my love for idols, the depravity
Of man knows no end. Idol factory,
Veil tearer, poison breather, shame,
Are names for us.

But she was my beauty, fault line,
a canyon between God and I. And
The penalty is mine. There is longing
In my sides for her.

My idol is lovely, she is hard to let go,
Someday it will come to be, but not today.
Guilt eats my bones, regret is my blood. But my God is cleansing.