Grand Theft Auto: Twentieth Century.

No sir, this isn't leaked footage of the long lost GTA prequel from the 1900's; this is a real-life movie! This was produced as one of the films by the infamous Edison Film Company (which, if you read the little footnote of my last blog, you'd know I have this prejudiced distaste for). I was going to describe the ingenuity of Edison and his undeniably philanthropic efforts to make science and arts a purely entertaining medium with no motives for money-hoarding whatsoever, but now that I think about it, that would probably just devolve into me using all sorts of bitter sarcasm to jab at him for effortlessly ripping-off the lives of creatures and humans and their honest creativities, all in an attempt to become a business powerhouse.

And... that would be mean.

So let's look at this video of a few men robbing a train. For almost 1900 years, the public has been asking "How do I rob a train?" And finally, the Edison company comes to the rescue and puts all of our greatest troubles and wonders at rest with this motion picture! Right in the decade when pictures began to magically move, thanks to science, this movie was released. It was silent, because the technology to record sound had not yet been created (stolen and commercialized) by the Edison company. So in theatres, a live pianist would be playing a live piano in front of the live audience to add flair to the not-so-live action on screen. Which makes sense, I mean, it's kind of uncomfortable just watching a bunch of silent guns go off and hearing the "tickatickatickatick" of the projector. But I must admit, this video becomes much more entertaining if you manage to play this video in a separate tab...



But then again, that song goes with literally every thing.

As I watched this, I was reminded of a little game I played, Runescape. Ever heard of it? Thousands of teenaged boys cry out in agony as they regret the mindless weeks they spent on that game. I, however, enjoyed the game. It's sort of medieval, I suppose, but there are pirates and monkeys, and ninjas, and robots, and robot zombies, and ninja monkeys, and zombie pirates, and ninja pirate zombies (seriously). I'm reminded of a little story called "The Great Brain Robbery", about an undead evil pirate, Rabid Jack, creating an army of bionic zombie pirates to rule the world. He creates his army by implanting the brains of monks from a little island into his undead minions to create an army of zombie-mechs with average-intelligence. It's a very, very serious plot.

Half pirate, half robot, half pirate ship, half zombie, half monk. The ultimate fighting machine.

But about this movie, at the end, do you see the man shooting his gun at the audience/camera? Just imagine, a room full of people who have never seen a movie before and are convinced that everything on the screen is actually happening. Now imagine showing somebody shoot a gun at them. I can imagine that pure hysteria was unloaded into the crowd, as people thought they were being really shot at.

It's like 3D, except, the third D is unnecessary because nobody knows the difference. I just thought that'd be an interesting thing to imagine.